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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady street kinda escort, nah, I mean the sleek, badass bodyguard gig. Y’know, like me, Jack, protectin’ some hotshot who’s too pretty to bleed. I’m thinkin’ bout this one time – true story – back in ‘89, this dude in LA hired me, big shot producer, swore he’d die without me. Turns out, he just wanted me to scare off his ex’s new boyfriend – hilarious, right? Paid me triple to stand there lookin’ mean. Escort ain’t always glamour, tho – sometimes it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults who can’t tie their shoes.

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Then, I get a text from my friend. She’s like, “Let’s meet at Red Brick Warehouse.” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” I hop on the train, and it’s packed. I’m squished between a guy with a giant backpack and a lady with a ton of shopping bags. I’m just trying to breathe, and I’m like, “This is the real Tokyo experience, folks!”

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