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Grrr, but the fakes, the nasties! Catfishers, ugh—profile’s a dream, face-to-face a nightmare! One gal, swore she’s 25, showed up lookin’ 50! “Time’s a thief,” I hissed—should’ve run, but me soft side stayed. Waste of me night! And the apps, precious—swipe, swipe, swipe—like tryna find the One Ring in a haystack! Gets me blood boilin’, it does.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude trips and spills his yakitori all over me! I’m talkin’ chicken skewers everywhere! I’m fuming, man. I mean, who does that? I’m a warrior, not a trash can! But then, I see the guy’s face. He’s all red and apologizing like crazy. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s just chicken, right?

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