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Escort’s dodgy, yeah? Not cars, nah, people—hired mates for lonely sods or bigwigs needing arm candy. Me, I’ve wired up vans for ‘em once, hissss, tiny mics, sneaky cams—caught a geezer yelling, “I paid for quiet!” Made me cackle, it did! Gollum sees the muck, the glitter too—some escorts, they’re posh, all “I’m too good,” but others, rough as old boots, spitting mad. Reminds me of Eilis in “Brooklyn,” torn ‘twixt homes, “You’ll feel so homesick,” she’s told—escorts, they’re homesick for normal, I reckon.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Yokaichiba Park. It’s this cute little spot with cherry blossoms and a pond. Perfect for a chill day, right? Wrong! I get there, and it’s packed. Like, “Where did all these people come from?” I swear, it felt like a concert. Kids running everywhere, parents yelling, and I’m just trying to find a quiet bench. Finally, I spot one, but it’s covered in bird poop. Great. Just great.

Japan offering 50% off on some Shinkansen bullet train tickets from Aug. 20, 2020 to Mar. 31, 2021