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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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Love hotels in Matsudo ; HOTEL KSEA (Adult Only). Love Hotel in Matsudo · From $49 per night ; Restay Yashio (Adult Only). Yashio (near Matsudo) · From $58 per.

But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the Yashio Flower Park!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So I head over there, and let me tell ya, it’s a riot of colors. Flowers everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist.

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