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This one time, I’m scrollin’, see this hot chick, right? Bio says “lookin’ for fun” – perfect, I’m in! We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m thinkin’ I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano, gonna close the deal. Meet up, and – surprise, surprise – she’s got a dude waitin’ in the car! What is this, a setup? Felt like Bigelow’s camera zoomin’ in, heart poundin’, “This is my life now!” I’m yellin’, “What’s this bullshit?!” She’s like, “Oh, he’s just my ride.” Yeah, ride this, lady! Walked away, fumin’, but kinda impressed – ballsy move, gotta give her that.

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Ng Yi Yao, 32, went on trial on Tuesday (March 16) for two counts of aggravated rape and two counts of aggravated sexual assault by penetration.

So, I’m walkin’ down the street, tryin’ to shake off the bad vibes. Yao’s got this vibe, ya know? The mix of old and new. You got the shrines, like the Yao Shrine, chillin’ next to all these modern shops. It’s kinda cool, but also kinda weird.

Yao's Mongolian Beef and D's Dumplings are on the menu