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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!”—I’d tell these escorts, quit pussyfootin’, get in their face! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it’s a circus out there—sweat, tears, glory, all mashed up. Love it, hate it, can’t look away—escort’s the glue, man, holdin’ it together when the world’s screamin’, “What now?” Just like that movie—raw, messy, real. Whaddya think, buddy?

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Finally, I get to her house, and Mr. Whiskers is just lounging like he’s on a beach in Okinawa. I’m like, “Dude, you’re about to be a chocolate-covered kitty!” So, I do my thing, and thankfully, he’s fine. But the lady? She’s crying like she just lost a million yen. I mean, it’s just a cat, right? Just kidding! I love cats. But seriously, chill out!

PHOTOS: Fire reported at Yamada manufacturer in Clark County