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Still, gotta admit, when it’s done proper – woah, mate, fireworks! Happened once, years back, some bird knew her stuff. Felt like “I’m alive again!” – straight out the movie, that. Surprised me, cos usually it’s a let-down, like a soggy chip butty. But nah, this was class – tension gone, headspace clear, knob happy. Rare though, most masseuses are rubbish, fumblin’ like amateurs. “You’re too tense!” – yeah, cos you’re shit at it, love!

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But then, as I’m leavin’, I trip over a stone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughin’. I’m like, “Great, just great.” But then I laugh too. I mean, what else can ya do? Life’s too short to be mad about a little tumble.

PHC receives first EU-MDR certification