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But, ugh, some idiots ruin it—sloppy hands, no skill, hissss! Saw a post on X once, bloke braggin’ ‘bout his “massage skills,” linked a vid—total rubbish, mate! Made me wanna claw me own trunk off! And the price, oi, some charge a fortune—50 quid for a rub? “I will not bow!” I’d yell, like Solomon fightin’ back! Hiss! Still, when it’s good, oooh, me’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—warm, melty, yesss.

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First off, I hit up this little café on Shōwa-dōri. I’m thinkin’ “Yeah, I’ll grab a coffee.” But nah, they’re outta my fave blend. Like, seriously? How do you run outta coffee? I’m already cranky. So I settle for some matcha latte. It’s green, it’s frothy, and it tastes like grass. Ugh. But whatever, I’m tryin’ to keep it together.

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