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Oh, and *The Master*—that line, “You are asleep!”—sexual-massage wakes ya up! Ever notice how yer body’s screamin’ but ya ignore it? This shit listens—kneads it out! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Fuck yeah, I’m alive!”—exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s MY story, ha! Best part? It’s legal—cops ain’t bustin’ ya for a rubdown, lol!

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Anyway, I finally find the shrine. It’s tucked away, all peaceful and quiet. I’m takin’ it all in when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, a bunch of tourists are tryin’ to take selfies with a stray cat. Like, really? A cat? I mean, it’s cute and all, but c’mon! I’m here for some zen, not a cat photo op. But hey, I can’t blame ‘em. That cat was a total diva.