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Precious, precious escort, yesss! Me, Gollum, sneaky Assistant Secretary, heh! Escort, tricksy business, innit? Sneakin’ round, shadows and all—reminds me of Margaret, that film, oh yesss! “What’s past is past,” she says, but escort? Past sticks like mud, nasty mud! Saw this lass once, escortin’ some posh git—swear she winked at me, ME! Made me happy, so happy—then angry, coz why not me, eh? Stupid, fat hobbit!

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After the onsen chaos, I’m starving. I hit up this little ramen joint on Kiyomizu Street. The smell hits me like a freight train. I order the spicy tonkotsu, and it’s fire! I’m slurping away, feeling like a king, when I notice this guy at the next table. He’s got a whole bowl of extra chashu. I’m low-key jealous. Like, how do I get that level of ramen game?

Best things to see and do in Saga Prefecture, Kyushu, Japan