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About Saitama

I tried it once, okay? Matched with this guy, tatted up, lookin fine. We’re textin, he’s all “wanna chill?” I’m like, yas, let’s do this! But then—red flag—he asks for nudes before we even meet. Bitch, what? I ain’t Richie Tenenbaum, pinin over some creep! “You’re not listening to me,” I wanted to scream, like Royal yellin at the fam. Blocked his ass so fast, my phone overheated. Made me mad as hell—don’t waste my time, boo!

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After that little drama, we hit the streets again. I’m trying to teach him parallel parking, and let me tell ya, it’s a disaster. He’s all over the place, bumping into the curb like it’s his best friend. I’m yelling, “Dude, you’re not trying to hug the curb! You’re trying to park!”