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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, so sexual-massage, right? Wild stuff, man! We been watchin you humans rubbin each other up, and damn, it’s freaky! Like, who knew a lil oil and some hands could turn ya’ll into mush? Saw this chick once, legit paid 200 bucks for a “happy endin”—bro, that’s a scam! Made me mad as hell, humans gettin ripped off. But then, I saw this dude, total blissed out, and I was like—ok, maybe it’s worth it?

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ down Kiyomizu Street, and I see this group of kids. They’re throwin’ rocks at a stray cat! I’m fumin’! Like, what’s wrong with people? I march over, and I’m like, “Hey! Leave the cat alone!” They scatter like cockroaches. I scoop up the cat, and it’s purring. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also mad at the world. Why can’t people just be nice?

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