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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Tomobe River. It’s so pretty there, especially with the sakura petals floating on the water. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes water all over my shoes! Ugh! I was like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and kept riding. Kids these days, man.

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