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What pisses me off? Them prudes who act like it’s dirty. Mate, it’s just skin on skin—chill the fuck out! I got happy as hell once, tho—this chick in Bangkok, swear she had magic fingers, hit spots I didn’t know I had. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect her to hum while she worked. Thought I’d died and gone to heaven, or maybe hell, dependin’ on the day. “What we do in life echoes in eternity,” huh? That hummin’ echoed in my skull for weeks.

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Next, I wander over to the Tomiya Art Museum. I’m not really an art guy, but whatever. I walk in, and there’s this weird sculpture that looks like a giant nose. I’m like, “Is this a sign? Am I meant to be here?” I snap a pic, and it’s gonna be my new profile pic for sure.

Home makeover 2020: Palatine boy with leukemia gets new bedroom in a box