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Homer Simpson here—D’oh!—I’d suck at it. Too clumsy, prolly trip over my pants! Haha, imagine me, “Ooh, sexy time!”—then faceplant. Escorts tho, they got swagger, confidence—like, whoa! Little fact: old Rome had ‘em too, called ‘em “lupae.” Wolves, man! How cool’s that?

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Then, I head over to the Tome City Hall. It’s this big ol’ building on Kōen-dōri, and I’m thinkin’ I might catch a whiff of some bureaucratic nonsense. But nah, it’s actually kinda chill. I bump into this guy who’s all about the local festivals. He’s hyped about the upcoming Matsuri. I’m like, “Dude, I can smell the excitement!” He tells me about the floats and the food stalls. I’m already drooling again.

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