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Oh, and the pics – dick pics everywhere, ugh! Hiss! Why, lads, why? Ain’t impressin’ no one! Me mate Dave, he says it’s “modern courtship” – bollocks, I say! It’s a circus, a freaky, steamy circus! Still, gets me blood pumpin’ – swipe, match, meet, maybe more? Hiss! We wants it, we needs it, but it stinks sometimes! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it, ya git!

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Then, I wandered over to the waterfront. The view was insane! The sun was setting, painting the sky all kinds of orange and pink. I took a moment to just breathe it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sashimi! I was like, “No way! That’s my lunch!” I chased that bird down the pier like a madman. Spoiler alert: the bird won.

Smile Japan Will Be All Business in Pursuit of 4th Straight Olympic Ice Hockey Berth