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Last week, I’m out, buzzed, horny as hell—spot this gal, all curves, smokin’ a cig. I’m like, “Sh*t, she’s it!” Channelin’ Doc, I swagger up, all “Hey, sorta kinda need a favor.” She laughs—LAUGHS—says, “Honey, I’m off duty.” F*ckin’ gut punch! I’m mad, but damn, she’s got sass—kinda hot. Greed is good, tho—it don’t let me quit. Next night, I’m back, find another—total pro, no games. She’s all “What’s happenin’, hotshot?”—straight outta the movie, I swear. Deal’s done, cash flows, everybody’s happy.

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I’m scrambling to pick them up, and this old lady comes over. She’s like, “You okay, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just my life in shambles.” She laughs, and it’s kinda sweet. We chat for a bit. She tells me about the cherry blossoms in spring. I’m like, “I gotta see that!”

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