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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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So, I get to the office on Kiyomizu-dori, and it’s already chaos. My client’s assistant, this frantic lady named Yuki, is runnin’ around like a headless chicken. “Where’s Mr. Tanaka?!” she yells. I’m like, “Chill, Yuki, he’s probably at the café down the street.” I mean, who wouldn’t want a matcha latte, right?

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