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About Kyoto

Funniest part? I suck at this. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t my skillset. I’m overthinkin’—do I tip? Is there etiquette? Prolly shoulda Googled it. Too late now. She’s like, “You in or out, man?” I panic. “Uh, I’ll call ya!” I yell, runnin’ off. Call her? With what number? Dumbass move, Hannibal. Real smooth. Bet ScarJo wouldn’t bolt like that. “You’re not like the others,” she’d say. Yeah, ‘cause I’m a clown.

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Underwater, everything’s peaceful. I forget about the crazy day. Just me and the fish. But then, I see this giant octopus! It’s just chilling there, and I’m like, “Whoa, dude!” I’ve never seen one in the wild before. It’s mesmerizing. I’m trying to get a good look, but it squirts ink and disappears. Classic octopus move, right?

Yohei Takaoka named to MLS Team of the Matchday for third time this season