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Fun fact, yeah? Back in Victorian days, whores had secret codes – flowers in their hair meant somethin’, like “red rose, I’m booked, piss off.” Clever, innit? Surprised me, that did, how they outsmarted the coppers. Reminds me of WALL-E, sneakin’ round that fat-arse ship, “Ta-da!” – outwittin’ the system. Whores been doin’ that forever, mate, livin’ on the edge, no safety net.

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Finally, I head back to the bay, hoping the tide’s calmed down. I’m feeling a mix of anger and excitement. I mean, I came here to dive, not to dodge flaming torches! But when I get there, the water looks perfect. I suit up, and as I’m about to jump in, I see this massive school of fish swimming by. I’m talking thousands of them! It’s like a scene from a movie. I dive in, and it’s like entering another world.

Ryan Gauld, Mathías Laborda, and Yohei Takaoka named to MLS Team of the Matchday for Matchday 24