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About Saitama

I’m laid back, sippin’ gin, picturin’ it—some dime piece or fine dude workin’ them fingers like a pro. Sexual-massage been around forever, fam. Word is, back in ancient China, them emperors was gettin’ it poppin’ with silk sheets and oils smellin’ like heaven. Little known fact—Cleopatra? She was all ‘bout it too, bathin’ in milk then gettin’ rubbed down, real regal shit. Me? I’d be like, “Keep it comin’, baby,” lightin’ a blunt while they do they thang.

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So, I grab my coffee and head to the beach. The waves are crashin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, I see it. A bunch of tourists takin’ selfies by the water. Like, come on! I’m tryin’ to work here! I’m all about nature, but these folks are blockin’ my vibe. I’m like, “Hey, can ya move a bit? I gotta chop some trees!” They look at me like I’m crazy. Whatever, I just wanna do my thing.

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