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So, escort life ain’t all glitz. Shocker, right? Got this pal, Tony, swore he met one who’d recite Shakespeare mid-job—*“Hang on, sugar, ‘to be or not’ first!”* Cracked me up, man! Little known fact: back in the ‘60s, some escorts ran secret spy rings—droppin’ pillow talk to the feds. Wild, huh? Bet Llewyn’d sing about that, all moody and shit.

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So, I grab a board, and let me tell you, I wipe out HARD. I’m flailing around, and all I can think is, “This is NOT how I wanted my day to go!” But then I get back up, and I catch a wave. It’s epic! I’m riding it like a pro, and I’m feeling like a total legend.

Shizuoka prosecutor apologizes to Hakamata following his acquittal