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About Osaka

Back in ’98, heard this story – bloke met a bird online, proper sex-dating pioneer. Turned up, she’s 20 stone heavier than the pic! Catfish before catfish was a thing, yeah? Laughed my arse off, but fuck, that’s grim. People lie, mate, always have. Apps just make it faster, dirtier. “If you abandon me now,” like Freddie says in the flick – that’s the vibe, clingy bastards after one night!

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After that, I decided to stroll over to the Shizukuishi River. It’s so pretty there, especially with the mountains in the background. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I saw this family having a picnic. They had all this food laid out, and I was like, “Man, I need to crash that party!” But I didn’t wanna be that weird stranger, ya know? So I just sat there, pretending to be deep in thought.

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