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What gets me mad? Liars, bro—sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—pisses me off! Happy? When it clicks, like—BOOM—chemistry’s poppin’. Surprised? This one dude I heard ‘bout—he sex-dated his lab partner, accidentally made a baby—talk ‘bout a biochemical reaction! Dr. Evil—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—loves that twist, pure evil genius!

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I get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” she says, like I’m some kind of magician who can pull it outta thin air. I’m like, “Chill, I’m working on it!” But inside, I’m screaming. I mean, I had a whole plan, but life had other ideas.

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