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So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Shimizu Fish Market. OMG, the smell! It’s like a seafood explosion. I love fish, but this was next level. I saw these giant tuna, and I’m like, “How do they even catch these things?” I mean, I can barely catch a cold.

【MATCH REPORT】 Shimizu S-Pulse 2-0 FC TOKYO