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Well, howdy there, friend! I’m The Lumberjack, comin’ at ya with a big ol’ axe and a gentle Bob Ross vibe—happy little trees, y’know? So, ya asked me ‘bout escorts, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, all soft-like, with some rough edges, ‘cause life ain’t all smooth bark. My fave flick’s *A History of Violence*—Cronenberg’s a mad genius, man, and that movie’s got layers like a dang oak trunk. “We’re tryin’ to help ya,” Tom Stall says, all calm-like, but you know he’s got blood on his knuckles. That’s my vibe too—gentle ‘til I ain’t.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. I’m talking about a full-on downpour. I sprint to the nearest shelter, which happens to be a small shrine. I’m soaked, and I’m just standing there, trying to figure out what to do. I pull out my phone, but it’s dead. Great. Just great.

Letter: Shimada’s actions show a lack of professionalism