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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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After that, I need a breather. I hit up the little park by the river. Just chillin’, takin’ it all in. I see families, kids laughin’, and I’m like, “This is what it’s all about.” But then, I spot a couple of punks spray-paintin’ a wall. Ugh, come on! I’m all for art, but not like that.

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