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Sometimes I’m layin there, thinkin—am I weird? Nah, just human, cravin touch. Gets sloppy, oil everywhere, slippery as fuck—hilarious. Masseuse prolly thinks I’m a nutcase, gruntin like Vader. “This is my past,” Boonmee says. Past aches, present rubs—connects, ya know? Exaggeratin? Maybe. But damn, it’s intense—knees shakin, soul floatin. Try it, dude, don’t knock it. Sexual-massage—dark, wild, fuckin beautiful. *heavy breathing* I am your father.

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”