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Alright, mate, listen up—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’m Bane, yeah, the big bad music editor, and I’m here to rant about sexual-massage. Not that cheesy spa crap, nah, I mean the real vibey stuff—hands sliding, oil dripping, beats thumping low. Picture this: I’m sprawled out, right, like Pocahontas in *The New World*, Terrence Malick’s 2005 gem—my fave, no cap—whispering to myself, “What mystery is this?” as some chick’s hands work my back like she’s tryna tame a beast. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn ritual, bro, primal as hell.

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After that, I head over to the Ryuo Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. I’m standing there, taking it all in, when I see this couple trying to take a selfie. They’re struggling, like, seriously, how hard can it be? I’m just about to offer help when the guy drops his phone. It bounces off a rock and lands in a bush. I’m dying laughing. They’re not even mad, just cracking up too. Love that vibe!

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