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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, Dr. Evil style – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” Ya see, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout Zero Dark Thirty, that badass flick – “We’re all smart here, right?” – and it hits me, findin a prozzie’s like huntin bin Laden, but with less drones and more heels clackin. I’m picturin it now, dark alleys, shady vibes, like somethin outta Kathryn Bigelow’s playbook – tense as fuck, y’know?

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So I hit up this little café on Sakae Street. They have the best matcha lattes. I ordered one, and while I waited, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting! I was just trying to enjoy my drink, and they’re throwing shade like it’s a sport. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they were fighting over who forgot to buy the rice. I mean, really?

Easy Japanese news in translation: 149-year-old elementary school closes in Ibaraki Pref.