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I got into it once, right? Some shady joint downtown – neon sign blinkin’ “Massage” like a freakin’ lure. Walked in, all cocky, suit still on – “Greed is good,” I muttered, expectin’ a quick rubdown. But nah, this chick, she’s got *skills*. Little known fact: sexual-massage ain’t just happy endings – it’s old as dirt, like ancient Greeks used it to “balance humors” or some crap. She’s workin’ my shoulders, then bam – lower, teasin’, and I’m like, “Who’s filmin’ this?!” – straight outta *Caché*, paranoid as hell. Made me happy, sure, but pissed me off too – why’d I wait so long to try this?!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the crazy good matcha lattes? Yeah, that place. I order my usual, and the barista, this dude with wild hair, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Bro, what’s the deal?” He just laughs and says, “More for you!” I mean, I guess? But c’mon, I wanted to drink it, not wear it.

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