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Favorite part? The absurdity! You got guys strollin’ in, actin’ all high and mighty, like they’re Solomon Northup bargainin’ for freedom—“I am a free man!”—but nah, buddy, you’re just a schmuck with 50 bucks. Pretty pathetic, if ya ask me. And the smells—oh God, don’t get me started! Cheap perfume, sweat, regret—it’s a freakin’ cloud of doom. I’d rather be locked in a barn like in the movie than sniff that mess again.

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That hits me, ya know? I’m not just fighting fire. I’m fighting for this kid’s safety. So, I push harder. We finally get the flames under control, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, a gust of wind kicks up. It sends smoke right into my face. I’m coughing, sputtering, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m a hot mess.”

Fig. 4. Cumulative rainfall depth on Hokkaido island of Japan in August...