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About Sapporo

So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just hands on skin. It’s got history, man! Back in ancient China, they called it “sensual touch therapy.” Supposed to balance your chi or whatever. Little known fact: emperors got it to “enhance vitality”—wink, wink! Fast forward, now it’s all shady parlors and neon signs. Kinda pisses me off, tho. Like, why’s it gotta be so sleazy? Can’t it just be chill?

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I get there, and the café is packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” So, I squeeze my way to the counter, order a matcha latte (because, duh, Japan), and wait. And wait. The barista is moving like molasses. I’m losing my mind. I’m thinking, “C’mon, I’ve got a product to launch here!”

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