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Favorite movie vibes? *A Serious Man*—Larry’s wife ditchin’ him for Sy Ableman? That’s sex-dating gone wrong, fam. “Look at what’s been done to me!”—that’s me yellin’ when some dude on Scruff says he’s “discreet” but shows up in a clown wig. True story, swear to God—happened last summer. Laughed my ass off, then blocked him. Raised eyebrow, “Know your role, clown boy.” Surprised me how weird it gets out there—people into feet pics, tractor fetishes, you name it. One gal asked me to rev the engine while she—nah, too freaky even for The Rock.

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Then, outta nowhere, I spot this dude in a blue hoodie. My heart races. I’m like, “Is this my guy?” I follow him, trying to be all stealthy, but I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? He turns around, and I’m just standing there like a deer in headlights. He bolts! I’m chasing him down the streets of Okuchi-shinohara, past the ramen shop on Takeda Street. I can smell the broth, and it’s making me hungry. But no time for food, I’m on a mission!