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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit” – nah, 5’2” and wheezin’. Makes me wanna scream, “Filthy liars!” Like them bleak days in “The Turin Horse”, no truth left. But ya keep swipin’, hopin’. Addictive, innit? We swears! Can’t stop, even if it’s rubbish.

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Then, outta nowhere, I spot this dude in a blue hoodie. My heart races. I’m like, “Is this my guy?” I follow him, trying to be all stealthy, but I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? He turns around, and I’m just standing there like a deer in headlights. He bolts! I’m chasing him down the streets of Okuchi-shinohara, past the ramen shop on Takeda Street. I can smell the broth, and it’s making me hungry. But no time for food, I’m on a mission!