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I love the thrill, tho—gets my heart pumpin’. Beats sittin’ in my cubicle, calculatin’ life expectancies. But don’t pee on my leg and say it’s easy—half these girls got pimps watchin’ like hawks. One time, I’m chattin’, and this dude rolls up, all “What’s yer problem?” I’m thinkin’, “I’m not here to die, pal!” Booked it outta there faster than a SEAL team.

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After that little drama, I head over to the park by the river. The view there is sick! You can see the mountains in the background, and the water’s sparkling. I take a breather, munch on some onigiri I packed. Life’s good, right? Wrong! Suddenly, a kid runs by, and I swear he knocks my lunch right outta my hands. Rice everywhere! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

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