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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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Then, I head to the Ohara River. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s sparkling, and I’m just chillin’ on the bank. I see some kids skipping stones, and I’m like, “I can do that!” So, I grab a rock, and I throw it. It goes plop! Right in the water. Not even close. I’m like, “Great, I’m a forester, not a stone skipper.”

Beth O’Hara, FN, pioneering MCAS practitioner, has passed away