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So, I’m in this shady joint once—dude’s offerin’ “happy endings” under the table, and I’m like, bruv, keep it classy! Oils slickin’ everywhere, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see it—most punters don’t get the depth. It’s not just boners and giggles—it’s history, man! Ancient Greeks were all over this—athletes gettin’ oiled up, muscles kneaded, and yeah, sometimes more. Little known fact: they called it “anatripsis,” fancy word for rubbin’ one out, eh? Hella homoerotic, and I’m here for it!

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Then, I get a call about a lost kid. My heart drops. I’m like, “Oh no, not this!” I send out a couple of guys to search. I’m pacing, sweating bullets. But then, a few minutes later, they find the kid at a candy shop on the main street. Phew! Relief washes over me.

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