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But real talk, it’s a minefield—some places legit, some sketchy as hell. Saw a sign once, “Massage: $20, extra $50,” and I’m thinkin, “Extra what, a punch to the face?” Sarcasm’s my shield, mate—keeps me sane. Like, is this relaxation or a weird porno audition? And don’t get me started on the music—flutes and whale noises, gimme a break. I’d rather hear Bane yellin, “You merely adopted the dark!” while I’m gettin kneaded.

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I head to the Ofunato Bay area. The view is insane! The ocean’s all sparkly, and I’m just standing there, soaking it in. But then, I see this huge fishing boat. Like, massive! I’m thinking, “Dude, that’s a lotta fish.” But then I remember the tsunami in 2011. Ofunato got hit hard. It’s crazy how they rebuilt everything. Mad respect for the locals.

Japan’s largest wildfire in decades continues to spread