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Fun fact—oldest escort gig? Ancient Rome, no cap. Called ‘em “lupae”—she-wolves, howlin for coin. History’s wild, man. Imagine Lenny stumblin into that, all “Where’s my wife?” while they’re countin denarii. Hilarious. Anyway, escort’s a hustle—good if you’re slick, trash if you’re sloppy. That’s my take, peace.

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First off, I’m settin’ up my station, just me and my trusty whistle. I’m feelin’ all cool, like a lifeguard superhero or somethin’. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me, like, “Help! My brother’s drowning!” My heart drops. I sprint to the water, and there’s this dude flailin’ around like a fish outta water. I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart.

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