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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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Then, I spot this old lady, Mrs. Tanaka, sittin’ on a bench. She’s always got the best stories. I plop down next to her, and she starts tellin’ me about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. Apparently, he’s taken up yoga. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but I can’t help it. “Yoga? For a cat?” She nods, dead serious. “He’s very flexible!” I’m thinkin’, “I need to see this.”

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