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Little factoid: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, all legal-like. Been around forever, slippery as hell—literally! I’m jealous, why not here? I’d be a regular, shlumpin’ in, neurotic as ever. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d say, leavin’ with a smirk. But here’s the kicker—sometimes it’s too much! Too intense! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Accept the mystery!”—straight outta the movie. You don’t know where it’s goin’, and that’s the thrill, pal.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over the old lady’s bag. Bread goes flyin’ everywhere! Ducks are quackin’ like they just won the lottery. I’m standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh, but I can’t help it. The old lady’s lookin’ at me like I’m the devil. I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am, not my fault!”

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