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I tried it meself, aye. Profile said, “Captain seeks booty.” Got a lass who texted, “u dtf?” Thought it meant “dance the foxtrot,” so I showed up in me best coat—turns out, nah, mate, it’s filthier! Surprised me like a cannonball to the gut! “We lack the originality to lack originality,” Kaufman’d say—every profile’s the same! Gym pics, dog pics, “I love tacos”—arrgh, bore me to death!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over the old lady’s bag. Bread goes flyin’ everywhere! Ducks are quackin’ like they just won the lottery. I’m standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh, but I can’t help it. The old lady’s lookin’ at me like I’m the devil. I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am, not my fault!”

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