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Sometim, dey use hot stone, put on back – sizzzzzle! Feel like sexy barbecue, I laugh, “Dis better dan my wife cooking!” Den, dey whisper, “relax, sir,” and I’m like, “Yes, yes, very nice!” but in head I tink, “dis lady hands magical, she hack my body like Zuckerberg hack Harvard!” Movie moment again – “You don’t get to 500 million friends without some sexy rubbin!” Ha! I make dat up, but it fit, yes?

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So, I’m munchin’ on my breakfast, walkin’ down the street, when I hear this loud crash. Like, seriously loud. I turn around, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. His bike’s all twisted up like a pretzel. I rush over, thinkin’ he’s hurt, but nah, he’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ dazed. I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He just stares at me, then starts laughin’. I mean, what?

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