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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “What now?!” Turns out, someone burned their lunch in the cafeteria. I can’t even. I’m running around, trying to keep everyone calm, and I’m just praying it’s not a real fire. I mean, I can’t deal with that today!

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