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Aloha, brah, it’s me, Stephen Hawking—well, kinda, rockin’ that robotic voice, cosmic wisdom vibe, yeah? Escort, huh, like the ol’ Ford whip from the ‘80s, not that *other* kinda escort, right? Nah, I’m jokin’, let’s dive into this—escort in Hawaii, man, it’s a trip! Picture me, cruisin’ Oahu in my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout *The Pianist*, that flick I love—Polanski’s masterpiece, ya know, where Szpilman’s hidin’, survivin’, playin’ that piano like his soul’s on fire. “I’m not hiding anymore!” he’d say, kinda like how escorts here gotta shine, bold as hell, in this paradise.

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So, I get to the onsen, and it’s packed. Like, I’m talking sardines in a can. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just chill in the outdoor bath.” But nope! It’s full of these loud tourists. They’re splashing around, yelling, and I’m just trying to zen out. I’m like, “Can’t a guy relax in peace?” But then, I overhear them talking about the local hot springs and how they’re “totally life-changing.” I’m like, “Yeah, buddy, if you could just keep it down, that’d be life-changing for me.”

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