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Little known fact? Back in ‘90s, Jersey had dese “sex lines”—phone numbers ya called, dirty talk for cash. Precursor to dis app crap. Guys’d spend hundreds, jerkin’ it to some voice—pathetic, right? Now it’s free an’ faster, but same game. Tony Soprano don’t play dat, though—I’d rather whack somebody den swipe all night. Sex-datin’s got no soul, like Ida losin’ her faith. “What’s it all mean?” she’d ask. Me? I’m askin’, “Where’s da fuckin’ respect?”

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We start searchin’ everywhere. I’m callin’ out, “Rover! Fido! Any dog name you can think of!” Finally, we spot this little furball under a bench, lookin’ all guilty. The kid’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. I’m feelin’ like a hero, even though I just found a dog.