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About Osaka

Exaggerate? Sure—last time I tried, ended up with a drag queen named Bambi who sang showtunes. Swear to God, nearly threw my cane at her. Little-known fact: Amsterdam’s red-light district’s got windows like a damn zoo exhibit—girls tapping glass, winking. Felt like I was shopping for a pet shark. Personal quirk? I’d overanalyze—how many lies per minute can she spit? Everybody lies, but prostitutes? They’re Olympic gold at it. Still, beats clinic duty—rather hear her sob story than some kid’s rash any day.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kurobe Street for my usual breakfast—onigiri and a can of iced coffee. I’m standing there, half-asleep, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Japan, it’s either raining or sunny. What’s the big deal? But he’s all like, “You know, the mountains look great today.” I’m just nodding, trying to get my food and bounce.

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