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So, escorts—here’s the dirt. Been around forever, swear it! Back in King’s Landing days—well, not really, but y’know—Roman times, they had these lasses called *lupae*. Means she-wolves, how’s that for a laugh? Howlin’ at the moon while they’re at it! Got me cacklin’, that did, ‘til I heard some posh twat sayin’ it’s “empowerin’.” Empowered my arse—half of ‘em are dodgin’ fists or worse. Made me proper mad, that. Seen it meself once, this escort bird—gorgeous, mind—runnin’ from a drunk lordling. Wanted to gut him, I did, but she just smirked and scarpered.

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So, I’m walking down the street, right? And I see this old lady selling yaki imo. Sweet potatoes, man! They smell so good. I’m like, “I gotta get me some of that!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and almost takes my head off. I’m dodging like I’m in the Matrix. Seriously, who knew pigeons could be so aggressive?

Sonic co-creator Yuji Naka has just updated an eight-year-old mobile game