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But lemme tell ya, some of these profiles? “I love hikes and wine”—bullshit! They’re bangin’ in a Motel 6 by Tuesday! Reminds me of that line, “You sold me!”—like, who’s foolin’ who here? I tried it once—met this broad, Lisa. Hot, but clingy as fuck. Two dates in, she’s textin’ “Where you at, Tone?” I’m like, “I ain’t your slave, lady!” Dumped her faster than Paulie whacks a snitch.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta come to the Matsuri at Kōen Park!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m on duty!” But he’s persistent. So, I’m like, fine, I’ll swing by.

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